Glitters and Bubbles 100 follower giveaway

http://glittersandbubbles.blogspot.com/2011/10/100-follower-giveaway.html

So as most of you know I have become a little obsessed with sparkle crack. Lol. Today I ran across an awesome giveaway today and I thought I'd share it with you. So get on over there and sign up =)

My boys make the sun shine on a rainy day;)

I love being their mommy<3 They fill my life with happiness that I didn't even know I was missing. One look at them and I know that everything will be okay, even when it doesn't seem like it will be. Being mommy is the only thing that I can say I am 100% hands down the best at. I love my boys, and I can't wait for our little family to become even bigger...

making their kissy faces

I could kiss that little face all day long!

muahhhhhh

DDF giveaway!!!

So recently I have discovered a brand of eyeshadow that I am obsessed with buying. Lol, I've never been addicted or obsessed with buying anything until I ran across Madd Style Cosmetics on Facebook. They recently came out with a Drop Dead Fred collection and it is amazing;) A fellow Maddcat has posted a giveaway for the collection on her blog
http://beingyourownbeauty.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-drop-dead-fred-collection-by-msc.html


So go sign up for it and enter to win, I know I did it;)

Just another day..

Well today is Father's Day, but I have nothing to celebrate. I had planned on spending the day at the lake with my family, but yesterday pretty much ruined that. My mom and dad were too concerned about having stuff to fish with instead of spending the day with me and Brayden. It really made me feel unimportant and needless to say that's how I spent my night. I got into it with my mom, and well my dad, he has never been the father type, so I don't know why I expected so much out of him. I guess it just really hurt my feelings that he wasn't considerate of me at all.


I got back home and watched a movie with Samantha and the boys and that was fun. I loved getting to cuddle up with my Boo Monster. When the movie was over, I came upstairs to bed, but I couldn't sleep. Stress always gets the best of me. I was hoping to have a nice chat with the husband to feel better, but that backfired on me royally. I want to feel like he misses me and the boys, but I just don't get that from him. I feel that when it comes down to us or the people he is stationed with, its always going to be them until he gets home. Its so frustrating. I don't know how much more I can tolerate, and to be honest I don't really feel like I should have to put up with any of it because I have put up with enough already. 


My husband says that I am living in the past and that things keep preventing me from moving forward. Well maybe that's so, but he shouldn't forget the things that caused me to be this way. He says that we have both hurt each other, which is true, but the level of hurt that I have felt from him is unbearable at times. Even though it is in the past and we are trying to make things better, my scars are too deep to just forget it all and act like it never happened. He may not be doing anything wrong in Korea, but I will always have my doubts. I don't know that I will ever get passed the hurt that I felt. Knowing that I was lied to and that I wasn't the only one. Knowing that for weeks, I was told we were okay and I had nothing to worry about, when I had every reason to worry. How do you just forget that? How do you act like it never happened, when it hurt so bad? How do you believe someone when they tell you that you are the only one, especially when they said it before and was telling someone else the same thing? Will I ever be okay? Will I ever be able to move forward and leave the hurt behind me? Will I ever truly feel that love again and know that its real? I just want to find my happy place again, where I don't have to put on fake smiles and make myself laugh to hide the pain that I really feel. I think I deserve that.

Can you hear me now....

These past few days have been pretty difficult for me. Easter was good, I got up and the boys and I went to church, then we went to my grandma's for dinner. It was a really nice day up until that night. I've got some issues going on with my landlord and it is causing a huge fight between me and my husband. I don't think I have been this angry since we have gotten back together and worked through our issues. I hate for someone to make me feel like I am stupid and irresponsible. I hate for someone to act like they know more than I do, when they aren't even here to see and hear everything going on. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say. We haven't talked at all today, and in a way it makes me sad and in a way I know I just don't know what to say, because I am too upset to just act like everything is okay. I miss him so much and with him being gone, it makes these days and these fights so much worse. 


Today, I had to work, so I tried to just consume myself with work, but that didn't get me anywheres. People were rude and annoying, and I was just not happy at all. I tried cleaning at work to make time go by faster, but when I started cleaning, I would have a billion people in my line. That was frustrating. When I got off, I went and got a pizza, then paid a bill, and came straight home to clean. I did quite a bit today and it helped to ease some frustration. But now that frustration is back and I am feeling pretty miserable. I just want to be able to have one conversation with my husband where he understands where I am coming from and doesn't turn things into being about me wanting his money. It seems like its always about that, and I think thats what hurts the most. Depression is setting in and its getting the best of me. I just want happy days again, I'd settle for just one..Just as long as I get a whole 24 hours of nothing but happiness...(113 days down)

Days like this

Today has been another rough day. I didn't go to bed until pretty late last night, and I woke up with a horrible headache this morning. I got to talk to my husband last night, although he wasn't very talkative. I understand that he is working like a maniac over there, but it would be nice to feel like he wants to talk to me sometimes. A part of me feels like if I should be able to stay awake just to talk to him, why can't he do that for me. I know that isn't fair, but its just the way my twisted mind works.

I stayed at home and in my pajamas all day today. You know it's bad when it's payday and you don't even feel like going to get your check. I just wanted to lay in bed. For awhile, I laid in Caleb's bed, lol, yeah that's right, I laid in my son's toddler bed. Then I moved to the couch, where I spent the biggest part of my day. Caleb wanted some hotdogs, so I cooked them for him, we ate and watched some tv. He decided to go spend the night with his Grandma Rita tonight, so I let him go, and then I put Brayden to bed. I was hoping to relax a bit, but I didn't. I mean, I didn't do anything, I just don't feel relaxed.

It's almost 4 in the morning, and I am still awake. I was hoping that I would get lucky enough to talk to the husband again tonight, but still no luck. Sometimes I just get these horrible ideas, and feelings in my mind and they really get the best of me. If you knew all that we have been through, you would understand. I try my best not to live in the past, but it always finds a way to catch up to me. On the inside, it's eating at my heart, but I never show it. I just keep telling myself that eventually I will get passed all of the hurt and sadness that once filled my heart, but in my heart, I know those feelings will never go away. Some people forgive and forget, and my oh my, how I wish I had the ability to do that. You see, I can forgive almost anything, but forgetting is something that I am no good at. I have a fear that one day that will destroy me and my family, I can only pray that it doesn't. Pray that things can only get better, because I don't believe they could get any worse than they have already been. The only place left to go from here is forward, because if I go back, it will tear me apart.

(108 days down)

Such a rainy day...

Today was such a rainy day, even after the rain was long gone, it still felt so dreary. Work wasn't too bad, aside from the fact that I was sick over half of my shift. I woke up super early today and it paid off, because I got to talk to and see my husband on Skype and it made my day. I only wish that our boys could've seen daddy too. I know that they miss him so much, and they show it more and more everyday. It honestly breaks my heart and brings me to tears when I can see how much they miss him. I miss him like crazy, but I know that I have to be strong and keep it together for my babies, even when I just feel like giving in and falling a part. The longer I go without getting to see him, the worse it gets, and I absolutely hate that feeling of not knowing how he is doing or if he is okay. I know that he is missing us so much, but I am happy that he at least has people over there who is going through the same thing that he is, who understands how he feels, and who can be there for him. At the same time, I am super jealous, because even though me and my boys are back in our hometown, I have never felt more alone. We are surrounded by people and I feel all alone. I turn to my girls online for encouragement and support, and for the most part it really does help. It would be even better if they were closer, close enough to actually be a shoulder to cry on. I know that some people have it a lot worse than we do, and I am thankful that I get to talk to my husband as often as I do, but damn, I am so ready to have him home. I love you babe, and I just want you to know that. 107 days down, way too many to go.